a part of my story "part 1"

It's been quite awhile since I last posted. I guess I can thank my three young kiddos for that. They keep me busy, but I wouldn't change that for the world.
I've been wanting to share a beautiful story from my life for awhile now, but have conveniently put it off due to my own desire to keep the past the past. It wasn't until recently that I felt like the Lord really wanted me to be vulnerable and share about a challenging time that turned into a freedom I had never known.
A few months after Naomi was born, fear began to not just creep into my life, but flood and drown the joys of my every day. I realize now that fear had been a constant and familiar companion for a good portion of my life, but it came like a rushing river after I had Naomi. I began to fear everything. My mind would create scenarios and "what-if's" for every circumstance. I would wake up in the night in a sweat from nightmares and tormenting dreams.  I could hardly walk away from laying Naomi down in her crib because I would worry something would happen to her in the night. I was paralyzed with fear. I didn't want anything bad to happen to this sweet, precious, and innocent babe that I felt like I had brought into this cold, dark, and scary world. I felt no peace. I had never known such an empty place, but it was becoming my normal. I won't go in to all of the little things I did to try to control the unknown, but I remember not wanting to drive anywhere for fear of a car wreck and working hard to always keep our pantry fully stocked for fear of not having food for Naomi. Like I said, my mind was not present, and I was living in a world of "what-if's."
A few months into this, I remember breaking down to my church life group. I remember telling them I felt no hope and life felt pointless. I couldn't take it anymore. Those girls gathered around me and prayed and spoke life and spoke the living Word over me.  I specifically remember one girl in particular, called me the next day with words of encouragement and prophecy. I remember another friend coming to my house with anointing oil to pray with me over my home. I remember waking up to an email from a friend's mother who knew nothing of what I was going through and said the Lord had laid me on her heart and she wanted me to know she was praying for me. I remember my sister sending me a Beth Moore devotional about the Fruits of the Spirit that I studied and soaked up every word of. Through that devotional, the Lord was teaching me what true joy and true peace was. I remember joining our church dance team, and the leader telling us that through our dance, worship, and prayer, we were warring for peace for the congregation. I desperately wanted peace in my own life that I began crying out to God to give me peace---a priceless gift that only He can give. I remember talking with my mom about how we have no reason to fear the future because we truly have the victory in the end. I had always heard things like that, but it become real that day. I remember countless conversations with close friends who lifted me up and used their voice to speak truth to me when I was blinded by fear.
God was doing a NEW thing in me. "See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19 He wanted to replace that fear with true peace that goes beyond circumstances. I used to cover up my fear with just trying to get my mind of it. I was just putting a band-aid on it and not living in true peace.
It was a long and hard process that involved all of my close family and friends praying over me and standing with me. Right around the time Naomi turned two, another friend of mine told me that it was time to dream again. I began sobbing. I had forgotten what it meant to dream because I had been paralyzed with fear of a bad future. I could not imagine dreaming of great things for the future.